two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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