you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
