he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
