I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
