i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
