Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
