Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
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i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
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Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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