someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
