Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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