So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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