YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
