My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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