ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
