How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
