Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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