Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
