just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
