I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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