omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
