I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
honey bunches of taint.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
