Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
