Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
