You made me cry and you don't even care
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
