i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
