I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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