My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
