Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
