Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
