let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
