You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
