then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
