I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
