I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
