Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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