how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
