im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How external is "for external use only"?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
