it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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