Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
