Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
