whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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