***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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