I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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