bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
