Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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