That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
