I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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