You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Randomize
