Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
