i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
