Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
