chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
