What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
