And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
