I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
