in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
