I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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