My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
