Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they're like a gay fantastic four
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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