if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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