Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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