Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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