It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
