you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
