YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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