He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I smell stomach acid.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
