I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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