I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
