But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
